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Clean, Christian Family Secrets Novel Compelling ... Enough
Wednesday, July 26th: Fiction AficionadoRaw, Real Medical Memoir Compulsively Readable. Really.
From a young age, Emily Wing felt different from the kids around her. Her emotions seemed out-of-whack, making her feel alternately aggressive, angry, anxious, lonely, and sad. Impulsive behavior and frequent dizziness also plagued the little girl. Starting therapy at six helped a little. Mostly, though, she found solace only in writing stories. "Words never let me down," she recalls. "With words, I never let myself down" (62). A near-fatal accident at 12 led to a discovery that went a long way toward explaining Emily's feelings of otherness—doctors found a tumor the size of a grapefruit growing at the base of her skull. This "miracle" find changed the life of pre-teen Emily, who was determined to overcome the lingering, debilitating effects of the brain tumor to fulfill her dream of becoming a successful author.Novel Writing: What Does a Cat Have to Do With That? Everything, Believe It or Not.
My point? Although the focus of the conference is not religious at all, it's amazing how much time the presenters and attendees spend gushing about the Bible. I'm not referring to the Holy Bible, oh no. I'm talking Save the Cat! by Blake Snyder, a screenwriter who's hailed (at least at LDS Storymakers) as a kind of writing god. What, you might ask, does crafting a movie have to do with penning a novel? Lots, actually. Especially when it comes to plotting, pacing, and populating your story with all the elements that dazzle moviegoers as well as book readers.
The thing that makes the book so helpful is Snyder's identification of the "beats" that every good movie needs and in which order they should appear to maximize their effectiveness in the telling of the story. This formula can easily be applied to novels (in fact, I know several authors who use Save the Cat! Scrivener templates every time they draft a book). Just as Snyder breaks down popular movies into identifiable "beats," you can do the same with any novel, which helps you to understand why they do/do not work. It's very revealing. Snyder's beat sheets are especially helpful when plotting a novel, as they help you recognize potential slow, weak spots in your story. Again, extremely helpful.
So, does the book—and the ideas it contains—deserve the reverence it receives every year at Storymakers? I think, yes. I found it to be not just informative, but also entertaining, encouraging, and enlightening. If you write (or try to write) novels or screenplays and you haven't read Save the Cat!, do it. Before Snyder passed away in 2009, he wrote two sequels: Save the Cat Goes to the Movies and Save the Cat Strikes Back. If you can't get your hands on the books, there's also a fabulous Save the Cat! website as well as frequent Save the Cat! workshops around the country. Obviously, Mormon writers aren't the only ones extolling the virtues of Snyder and his famous cat :)
(Readalikes: Reminded me of The Marshall Plan for Novel Writing by Evan Marshall; also, the other Save the Cat! books)
Grade:
College Coming-of-Age Story Funny, Authentic (With a Giveaway!)
It's A First For Me ...
Story Makin' 2011
Boot Camp: Since my favorite part of last year's conference was attending Boot Camp, I knew I wanted to participate again. This year, the event got a whole day to itself, which I liked, even though it turned into a very, very long day. Still, I enjoyed my group, which was led by Lisa Mangum, author of The Hourglass Door trilogy. Even though I didn't love The Hourglass Door, I really liked Lisa. She was fun, upbeat, down-to-Earth and right on in her advice to all of us wannabe writers.
Although everyone in my group was writing YA, the mishmash of genres provided some interesting reading. My fellow groupies were very kind and complimentary about the chapter I shared. I got some good suggestions from them. I also came away from the experience feeling encouraged and excited to keep writing this story.
(A funny: After seeing an IM chat between me and my friend Robin, in which we discussed Boot Camp, my 9-year-old daughter asked, "What's Booty Camp?" She didn't understand why I snickered or why my husband said, "Aha! So THAT's what you're really up to!")
Classes: Since I attended the conference with Robin, who fully intends to be a published author within the next year or so, we took lots of classes on finding agents, writing query letters, self-editing, and managing all the millions we'll be making when our books finally see the light. I could have used a You've Finished Chapter One, Now What? class, but my loyalty (not to mention the fact that I have no sense of direction and would have gotten completely lost without my "cruise director") kept me close to my soon-to-be-a-bestselling-author friend. We both enjoyed the classes we took. My favorite, I think, was Lisa Mangum's on writing killer first pages.
One of the query classes Robin and I took was taught by YA novelists James Dashner and J. Scott Savage. The former was pretty quiet, while the latter was ... not. As Savage explained, "We make a good team because James can write and I can teach." True, that. Needless to say, the class was very entertaining.
Attendees were supposed to bring query letters to be workshopped by Team Dashner/Savage. I haven't written a second chapter to my novel, let alone a query letter, but Robin and I spent the week before the conference working on hers. When our teachers asked for someone to volunteer their query letter, Robin made sure hers was the first hand in the air. She's fearless like that. Considering how much we'd worked on her query, I figured the men wouldn't have much for us except their highest praise. Yeah, not so much. Really, though, they were kind and offered Robin some good advice.
The picture below cracks me up since it shows my always intrepid friend looking a little intimidated while James Dashner reads her query letter out loud to the class.
The videos: Not only does Sarah M. Eden write sweet, fun romance novels, but she also makes the funniest videos. Since she emceed the whole conference, we got to see several of her productions. This one - in which her daughter defines different book genres - is hysterical:
The authors: Lots of fun authors were milling around the conference. I chatted with some I've met before, like Angela Morrison, Elana Johnson and Janette Rallison, but I also met a bunch of new ones, like Kimberley Griffiths Little, Becca Wilhite, Lani Woodland, Tyler Whitesides, Jaclyn M. Hawkes, and more. All of them were very friendly and fun to talk to.
Me and Kimberley Griffiths Little, who won a Whitney Award for The Healing Spell, a book I adored.
Me and the very sweet Lani Woodland, whose first book, Intrinsical, came out last August.
Everybody else: Not only did I get to meet tons of new people, but I also got to see a whole bunch of people I previously only knew online. It was a pleasure, Chantele Sedgwick, Donna Weaver, Christy Dorrity, Karlene Browning, etc.
To top it all off, I sat next to two fantastic ladies on the airplane ride home to Arizona. I had fun visiting with Valerie and Tamara, both of whom live near me. They were even gracious enough to invite me to join their writing critique group. Thanks, girls!
The First Chapter contest: Let me make this clear right up front - I had no grand illusions of winning with the first chapter I turned in for the contest. However, I was really looking forward to getting some "professional" feedback on my writing. Imagine, then, my disappointment when I discovered that not only did my submission not win anything, but it had never even made it into the judges' hands. Apparently, I mistyped the email address to which my submission was supposed to go. Oops. Another duh moment.
Moving on ...
The Door Prizes: I didn't go home empty-handed, though. Like last year, I was lucky enough to snag an awesome door prize. This year, I took home Seeing Japan by Charles T. Whipple and Winning Mr. Wrong by Marie Higgins. Thanks to those authors for their generosity.
A Summary of the Summary: All in all, I had a fabulous time at the conference. It's always a good time hanging out with other people who love books and writing. I love the boost I get from this event - it's refreshing to hear that my writing does not, in fact, suck as badly as I think it does.
A Summary of the Summary of the Summary: If you haven't gone to the LDS Storymakers Conference, do. It's totally worth it. And note to self: Let's invest in some fat-sucking and face-lifting this year, shall we?
Christians Ask WWJD? Writing Doc Asks WWYCD?
(Image from Barnes & Noble) Think of your favorite literary characters. What makes them memorable? Chances are, each of the story people you love has a vibrant personality, or at least some trait or spark that makes them come alive on the page. Since one of my biggest reading pet peeves is cardboard, personality-less characters, I'm a bit obsessed with making the cast of my WIP stand out. So, in an effort to understand them all a little better, I turned to What Would Your Character Do? by family therapist Eric Maisel and his wife, Ann, a world literature teacher. Through the 30 personality quizzes the book offers, I did learn more about them. I also realized that I knew my main character a lot better than I thought I did. How about that, huh?
The idea behind the book, according to Dr. Maisel, boils down to this: "The writer, the true expert on human nature, can contrive anything in the realm of human behavior. But whatever she contrives, she must still meet certain tests of plausibility and legitimacy" (8). To that end, he provides a series of personality quizzes through which a writer can put his/her characters. Each exercise gives a situation - say, a family picnic or a fancy night out - which would provoke the character into taking action of some kind. For each possible action, Dr. Maisel provides a psychological analysis of the kind of person who would take that particular action. For instance, if your character hears the news that a deadly meteor is speeding toward Earth, and she reacts by jumping right up and making an action plan, that would be consistent with a "resourceful, matter-of-fact character ... [who] has a survivalist's instincts for preparation and self-protection" (265).
While the author recommends actually writing a scene for each scenario, I tired of that after the first two or three. But, I did read through each one, think about how my character(s) would handle the problem, then check to make sure his/her action was consistent with the personality I had given him/her. Doing this reassured me that I knew my main character pretty well. It also showed me which of my cast members need work.
The situations Dr. Maisel describes in What Would Your Character Do? are actually pretty run-of-the-mill, nothing revolutionary, but I found them instructive. Again, not revolutionary, but helpful. I would have liked a little more advice on how to create a psychologically complex character, even a step-by-step kind of tutorial. Still, I liked this book. It reads quickly and really did help me to flesh out my characters. Did it do everything I wanted it to? No, but that's okay. It did enough.
(Readalikes: This is the first book I've read dealing specific with building fictional characters, so I can't think of anything ... Can you?)
Grade: B-
If this were a movie, it would be rated: PG-13 for mild language and one exercise which involves a sex shop
To the FTC, with love: Another library fine find
So-so Writing Book Helps My Scary-Bad Rough Draft. Kinda.
(Image from Indiebound)If you, like me, have dreams of publishing a novel some day, you've probably read a few books about writing. More than a few. Probably tons. I know I have. Some writing tutorials are better than others, obviously, even though most cover about the same material. Still, I'm always interested in finding new and different techniques to deal with old and perplexing problems. Since plotting is something I pretty much suck at, I picked up Plot & Structure by mystery/suspense author James Scott Bell, hoping for some good advice. I didn't learn anything completely new from it, but it still offered a few gems.
I don't agree with everything Bell says, of course. I mean, seriously, is the following paragraph really "one of the greatest opening paragraphs in any thriller you'll ever read" as Bell seems to think:
"At two-thirty Saturday morning, in Los Angeles, Joe Carpenter woke, clutching a pillow to his chest, cllin ghis lost wife's name in the darkness. The anguished and haunted quality of his own voice ahd shaken him from sleep. Dreams fell from him not all at once but in trembling veils, as attic dust falls off rafters when a house rolls with an earthquake." (From Sole Survivor by Dean R. Koontz)
Yeah, I don't think so either.
Overall, though, I found the book helpful. Not monumentally so, but enough that I enjoyed the reading experience and found it to be a good use of my time. It even helped me write some killer back cover copy for my soon to be bestseller (hee hee). Now, if it could just help me shape my scary-bad rough draft into something that's at least readable, if not publishable, then, well, I'd really be singing its praises.
(Readalikes: similar to The Marshall Plan for Novel Writing by Evan Marshall and How to Write a Damn Good Novel by James N. Frey)
Grade: C
If this were a movie, it would be rated: PG for a couple uses of mild language
To the FTC, with love: I bought Plot & Structure with a portion of the millions I make from my lucrative career as a book blogger. Ha ha.
This One Goes Out to All You Dora Fans: I Did It! I Did It! I Did It! Hooray!
Or, heck, maybe I'll just let someone else do it for me. You may have missed this comment from michemily but it totally made my day, my month, my year:
Take that, Nancy Pearl! (Just kidding, Nancy, you know I love you.) Thanks so much for that, Michemily! I'm still smiling :)
After a fun evening of finishing my rough draft, playing in the park with the kids, and eating Thrifty ice cream at my favorite sub shop, I'm euphoric, but so very tired. We'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming sometime soon ...
(Apparently, I haven't blogged in so long that I forgot how to do it and published this post before I finished it. Duh.)
LDS Storymakers 2010
I got to Salt Lake on Thursday. My friend Robin, whom I roomed with at BYU many moons ago, picked me up at the airport. After lunch at Zupa's (yum - why don't we have these in Arizona?) and a lovely scenic drive around the metropolis of Draper, Utah, we visited with another one of our old roommates.
Then, we headed to Good Wood Barbecue for a much-anticipated dinner with the illustrious "6." Robin and I both
The 5 in attendance (Kimberly Webb Reid was the only one who managed to find something better to do that night - I think it was her birthday or something) were all wonderfully fun, friendly and just, really, so nice. It was a good time.
None of my pictures from the conference weekend turned out very well. Perhaps it's time for me to invest in a new camera, or a new photographer, or maybe just liposuction. Yikes.
Our pen-less waiter suggested we try these "bagel-sized" onion rings as an appetizer. They didn't taste all that great, but they were funny to see. Robin and I posed with them for Brodi's camera phone (which takes much clearer pictures than my weenie Olympus). Thanks again to these lovely ladies for letting us hang with them!
We spent the next two (very early) mornings doing Boot Camp, which was basically an intense critique of our manuscripts (well, a chapter of our WIPs). I didn't get any pictures of my critique group, although I really meant to. Our fearless leader was Elana Johnson, a blogger extraordinaire and YA author (I believe her first book is coming out in 2011). Including her, there were six of us in the group. Everyone was so sweet and complimentary about the very, very rough draft I toted along (the one I frantically hammered out on Wednesday night). Boot Camp actually left me feeling much more encouraged than I thought it would. It was, by far, the most helpful part of the conference. I highly, highly recommend the experience.
We spent the rest of Friday and Saturday attending classes, panel discussions and other events.
Since I couldn't scribble fast enough to keep up, here are paraphrasings of some of the things that were said in classes, panels, etc.:
"Readers are a diverse bunch, including a lot of people who are basically easy to please, and a smaller number of people who are basically impossible to please." - Aprilynne Pike
"You should nver marry yourself to a book and stay with it until it's perfect. It will never be perfect." - Dan Wells
"Sometimes you have to make writing a priority and catch up on life later." - Aprilynne Pike
"Sometimes family is the priority. When my son set the house on fire, I did get out of my chair." - David Farland
"Sacrificing your wife, children and friends is the first step in becoming a writer." - David Farland
"Write a paragraph. Change a diaper. Write a paragraph. Make lunch." - Anita Stansfield
"If you want me to willingly suspend my belief, you have to make me believe in something." - Jessica Day George
And, my personal favorite, which is a direct quote (Aprilynne was kind enough to email me a copy of her PowerPoint presentation):
"Thanks to blogs, you will get to hear every tiny thing someone hated about your book, and why they think that probably makes you a worthless person. This will be very hard!"
Every step I took around the Marriott provided opportunity to meet authors, bloggers and aspiring writers. So fun! I met the very talented bookbinder Paulette, the very fun ladies behind LDS Women's Book Review, the knowledgable Emily from Segullah, sweet Terresa Wellborn, and the very likeable and down-to-earth Janette Rallison, among many, many others.
In the next couple of weeks, you can expect to see reviews of all the books I bought, received and won because of my fabulous writing weekend.
I'm already saving my pennies for next year's conference. That's how much I enjoyed myself!
A Sleepy This and That
Even though writing has kept me from blogging, creating fiction is good for me as a reviewer. It reminds me that crafting a novel is A LOT harder than it looks. It's easy for me to glance at someone else's work and pick out its every weakness - the process becomes much, much more difficult when I'm evaluating my own "baby."
Anyone else going to be in Provo this weekend? I'd love to meet up with some of my "bloggy friends" at the conference. I'm still sad that I won't be in NYC for Book Expo America, but I'm glad I'll be able to do a little bit of book/author hobnobbing in Utah. It's almost the same thing.
All this rambling is my way of explaining why I've been away from the blog for a week. I'm still reading. In fact, I'm in the middle of The Ocean Between Us by Susan Wiggs. Look for a review of the book and a very exciting giveaway on April 23.
I also need to announce the winner of my Kaki Warner giveaway. Congratulations to Linda, who wins a copy of Pieces of Sky (which I reviewed here). If you'll email me your address, I'll send it on to Kaki's publicist, who will get your book in the mail right away.
Okay, it's 9:30 and I'm fading fast ... Have a great week everyone!
Celebrity Encounters of the Coolest Kind
Once upon a time I gushed over men like George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, and Viggo Mortensen (he's delicious in Lord of the Rings) - these days, I get more excited about celebrities of another sort: Neil Gaiman, Pseudonymous Bosch, Lief Enger, and so on. I may have gone a little far when I told Evan Marshall that chatting with him was like meeting my favorite rock star, but it's true. I freaked out when I saw his e-mail in my inbox. Just ask my friend, Robin. Well, she might not remember my freaking out because of her own freaking out. We may be mature thirty-somethings, but when it comes to Mr. Marshall, we're like crazed groupies.
Why, you ask? Well, it's like this: He's a genius. Seriously, though, I've been trying to write a novel since I was around 7. Sometimes I came up with a great opening, sometimes a fascinating character, occasionally, a great plot, but I could never stay with it long enough to turn all the elements into a story. A few years ago, I had a story idea germinating in the back of my head. In my brain, the whole idea sounded brilliant - unique, clever and engaging. So much so that I was entertaining Susan-as-J.K.-Rowling fantasies. It wasn't until I actually started typing up the story that I realized how silly it all sounded. Frustrated, I headed to my friendly neighborhood Borders to get some help from real writers. I came home with two books in hand: The Marshall Plan for Novel-Writing by Evan Marshall, and its accompanying workbook. In the former, Marshall basically boils the modern novel down to a formula, even going so far as to tell the wannabe writer how many pages should be in his beginning, middle and end. He stresses the importance of good plotting, focusing on its essential ingredient - conflict. Then, he shows the novelist-in-training how to use Action/Reaction sheets to plan out each section of the book. Doing so helps the writer plan out her book, work out plot kinks, and make sure each part of her novel works in harmony to accomplish the story's goal. The workbook basically takes the would be novelist through each of these steps. It contains forms about everything - characters, plot, story goal and so on - that can be photocopied and filled out. Once the whole novel has been sketched out, it basically writes itself.
Needless to say, I fell hopelessly in love with The Marshall Plan. It helped me see right away that my brilliant novel idea needed a little ... work. I eventually abandoned that idea, but I've remained loyal to my man, Marshall. My only complaint about his system had to do with all the photocopying and filling in forms by hand. The cost of paper and ink, plus the hand cramps made outlining not only expensive, but also tedious and painful. Just a few months ago, I decided to give my novel another go (this time with a different brilliant idea). As I was printing out a pile of Action/Reaction sheets, I thought, "Wouldn't it be nice if I could just type up all the information on my computer, then print it out?" I even scoured the Internet to see if, perhaps, Evan Marshall had had a similar thought. I found nothing.
Then, I happened to mention Mr. Marshall in a blog post. The next thing I know, he's not only contacting me, but offering me the very thing I had been longing for a short few months ago: The Marshall Plan for Novel Writing software.
True story.
Being the Marshall fanatic that I am, I downloaded the software immediately. Registering and looking around took a few minutes, but within 10, I was hammering out the physical characteristics of my main character. The software isn't fancy - there are no graphics or flashing icons - it's basically an automated version of the workbook. Still, it's organized, user-friendly, and so much better than writing everything out by hand. Like the workbook, the software takes you through all the aspects of your novel - you fill out sheets about the protagonist, the antagonist, the romantic interest, the minor characters, the main plot line, subplots, etc. Once you've plugged in the names of your main players, the software shows you how many sections should be devoted to each character. It also walks you through the fine art of juggling plots and subplots. The greatest advantage is this: the software creates a template of your novel based on the information you supply. You will know exactly where your novel's going, exactly what the goal of your story is, and exactly how to achieve it. If you think The Marshall Plan takes all the creativity out of writing, guess again. It simply provides you with an outline. In fact, my only real complaint with the software is that it doesn't write the novel for you. It comes pretty darn close, though.
Marshall, author of eight mystery novels, with more on the way, was so concerned about the software staying true to his program, that he spent three years learning computer programming so that he could write it himself. After three years, it's now available for download at http://www.writeanovelfast.com/ . You can also learn more about Marshall (the rock star) and co-author Martha Jewett on the site. If you're interested in joining a community of writers using The Marshall Plan, check out The Marshall Planet.
If you need a last-minute gift for the writer in your life (yourself, perhaps?), you've found it. At $149, I admit the software's a little spendy, but it really is worth it. If you can't cough up that much, at least treat yourself your favorite writer to The Marshall Plan for Novel Writing and The Marshall Plan Workbook. I'm just going to warn you now, though: As soon as you start photocopying workbook sheets and filling them out by hand, you're going to want this software. You might as well just buy it now and save yourself the trouble. I'm serious - this software elevates my man, Marshall, from a rock star to a God. I'm not kidding. I love it.
Fiction Writing 102
(Teensy tiny image from Barnes & Noble)
The 38 Most Common Fiction Writing Mistakes (And How to Avoid Them) by Jack M. Bickham is exactly what it says it is - 38 chapters on errors many writers make on the road to publication. As a novelist (according to Wikipedia, he wrote the book that inspired The Apple Dumpling Gang - I used to love that movie!) and writing professor, he looks at book creation from the standpoints of students, beginning writers and professionals. If you're expecting the book to reveal the great mysteries of what publishers really want, you're going to be disappointed. Bickham focuses on the basics: clear story goals, tight plot structure, dynamic characters, etc.
The most instructive chapter for me is 27: "Don't Criticize Yourself to Death." The following really gave me something to think about:
The most common formof lethal self-criticism, it seems to me, is often heard in the young writer's wail, "This story I wrote is really dumb!" Or, "This whole plot line is dumb!"
What writers who uter such lines are relaly saying, I think, might be paraphrased as follows: "This is the best I can do, but I'm deathly afraid it isn't slick and clever enough, and therefore you are going to think I'm a stupid person for having written it."
Such fears are as much a part of writing fiction as headachs, wads of crumpled paper on the floor, and rejection slips. When you write fiction, whether you realize it or not (and at some level you probably do), you are risking revelation of your dreams and deepest emotions. It's frightening to reveal yourself this way, even indirectly. Further, the act of writing is tied very close to a person's ego structure; I have seen students shaky with even a brief paragrpah of factual material. "Criticize my work, criticize my personal essence," the feeling seems to be. The most humdrum piece of writing somehow represents the writer's worth as a person sometimes. Small wonder, then, that the writer of a story or even (horrors!) a novel often gets worried sick - literally - about whether the reader may think it's dumb. Because if it's dumb, the writer is dumb. And if the writer is dumb, he is also, ipso facto, worthless, an object of potential ridicule ... doomed.
Thus, it's perfectly natural for you to worry that some character or bit of dialogue or plot line you just wrote may be "dumb."
It's natural - but it's also dangerous ... So stop it. (77 & 80)
While I didn't find Bickham's book nearly as entertaining as How to Write A Damn Good Novel, I still found it instructive. The chapters are short and to-the-point, but still cover a lot of ground. Much of what he says, especially about scene structure, reminds me of another of my favorite writing books, The Marshall Plan for Novel Writing by Evan Marshall.
Like How to Write A Damn Good Novel and The Marshall Plan, Bickham's book was written in the pre-Internet years. I wonder how the CyberSpace Age has changed the craft, if at all. What's your opinion? And what other writing books should I be reading?
What I'm finding from all these books is that writing fiction really is a no-brainer. Follow the formula and voila! You've got yourself a book. All you published authors make it look so easy ...
Grade: B
If this were a movie, it would be rated: G
To the FTC, with love: I bought this one with my own hard-earned money, and I didn't make it reviewing books. Actually, I didn't make it at all ... my husband did. And not by book blogging, either.
Frey's Writing Tutorial A D@#! Good Book
I rarely say this, but the only thing I don't like about James N. Frey's How to Write A Damn Good Novel is the title. I mean, it's catchy and all, but leave it laying around the house and you're going to get some flak. My 7-year old said, "Mom, I can't read cursive very well, but I'm pretty sure that book has a bad word on it." Then, my 11-year-old hit me with, "Mom, if a book has bad words in it, why are you reading it?" Ahem. My response of, "Because it's a @!$! good book" didn't impress them. In reality, I mumbled something more along the lines of, "Oh, uh, yeah, hm ... good point."Anyway, Frey's novel-writing tutorial (first published in 1987) covers the basics of fine storytelling in an engaging, easy-to-read manner. It's a slim volume, but it hits all the important points, like: working with a solid premise, telling the story from the most interesting viewpoint, the necessity of continually increasing conflict, writing snappy dialogue, and plenty more. If it's been awhile since you've taken Writing 101, I suggest reading this book - it provides an excellent refresher course. There are several other books in Frey's "Damn Good" series, all of which I'm putting on hold at the library right now.
Since I've been fooling around with my own novel, I found this passage particularly funny (it's long, but worth the read):
ON BECOMING A NOVELIST
If you go to dental school you will take a state exam when you finish and, upon passing, you will be given a license to practice dentistry. In order to take the test, you must have first submitted to a rigorous course of study, done thousands of hours of supervised work in people's mouths, taken hundreds of exams, and paid a lot of money. When you're finished, you will be called "Doctor," and your cup will runneth over with drilling, filling, and billing. If you do good gold crowns, play soft music in the waiting room, have a receptionist with a sympathetic smile and a soothing voice, you may even become rich.
In the course of your studies you will have been transformed from an ordinary citizen into a Doctor of Dental Surgery. You will even begin to think of yourself as something more than an ordinary citizen. Someone will ask you who you are and you will say, "Sam Smoot, Doctor of Dental Surgery."
For novel writing, unlike dentistry, there is no course of study you can pursue and, when finished, say "I'm a novelist." You can get an M.F.A. in creative writing, or a Ph.D. in the modern novel, but that won't make you a bona fide novelist. To be a novelist, you have to get published.
Being an unpublished novelist has about as much social acceptability as being a shopping bag lady. Should the word get out about you, your friends will snicker. Your neighbors will whisper about you. Your Uncle Albert will try to talk you into becoming a chiropractor. Your Aunt Bethilda will take you aside and lecture you on the grim realities and responsibilities of adulthood. Your creditors will break out in hives. Your mother will be sympathetic, but late at night her eyes will flood with tears as she tries to figure out where she went wrong.
It's a sad fact of life, but to be an honest-to-goodness novelist you must have that honor conferred on you by a publisher. But remember this: each and every bird is first an egg, and each and every published novelist is first an unpublished novelist - even the great ones, Ernest Hemingway, Leo Tolstoy, Virginia Woolf, and James Joyce included.
There are several strategies for avoiding the stigma attached to proclaiming yourself a would-be novelist. One is to tell people you are a writer, but not to admit that what you're writing is fiction. Suppose you're writing a murder mystery in which the victim is a prostitute and the murderer is a college professor. You can tell everyone you're writing a book about sexual mores and morbidity in academia. That sounds like a good subject for a nonfiction book. Your friends will be impressed. It's okay to be a nonfiction writer because it's assumed that nonfiction writers are hard-nosed practical people who take life seriously. Besides, it is popularly believed - possibly with some justification - that anyone who can spell well can write a nonfiction book, so no one will doubt that your project has merit.
Another way to camouflage your novel-writing pursuits is to enroll in an English Literature degree program someplace and take only snap courses. As long as it looks as if you're working for a degree no one will ask what you're doing locked in your study all day and half the night. If they ask why you're banging away so hard on your typewriter, tell them you're writing a thesis. Everyone knows that's a sensible thing to do.
Some novelists at the beginning of their careers go completely underground. These "closet" novelists tell no one. They hide their manuscripts behind the refrigerator. They write in longhand so no one will hear the clacking of typewriter keys. Nobody knows the closet novelist even reads novels, let alone wites them. Their spouses may think they are keeping a lover in the basement or garage, or wherever it is they "do it."
Any of these methods will work. The alternative, the "John Wayne Solution," is a bit tougher. The John Wayne Solution is this: grit your teeth, rock back on your heels, stick your thumbs in your belt, and just say it - I'm writing a novel, nad if you so much as smirk I'll punch your lights out, pilgrim.
You get the idea.
I've been dreaming of writing a novel since around kindergarten, so I've read dozens of books about creating fiction. Somehow, I missed the gem that is James Frey. I love How to Write A Damn Good Novel, bad words and all.
Grade: A-
If this was a movie, it would be rated: PG for some language and sexual content
To the FTC, with love: Although an author (Janette Rallison) recommended this book, I bought it with my husband's hard-earned money. He fervently wishes I was being paid for this review. As do I.

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