(Image from Barnes & Noble)

When Amy Chua's book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, came out in 2011, it incensed mothers everywhere.  Including this one.  The book (which I reviewed here) chronicles Chua's experience using traditional Chinese parenting tactics to bully her kids into becoming not just straight A students, but also world-class musicians.  While Chua's oldest daughter did exactly that, her youngest put up some resistance.  Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother is the story of that daughter's rebellion (she was 13 at the time) and how it forced Chua to examine her unyielding parenting practices against the obvious unhappiness it was producing in her child.  While this may lead you to expect a grand epiphany about motherhood, the drawbacks of stiff, too-strict parenting, and the importance of letting children be children, that's not exactly what happens.  Instead, as I noted in my review: "There's no self-deprecating humor here, no humble admittance of mistakes, just a half-hearted acknowledgment that Chua's dictatorial parenting style might not work for every child."  

So, yeah, the book definitely caused a stir.  And, even though Chua now insists the memoir is "mostly self-parody," it's difficult to see anything funny in it.  The backlash against Chua's parenting, in my opinion at least, was very well-deserved.  Naturally, then, Kim Wong Keltner's new book—a rebuttal to Chua's called Tiger Babies Strike Back—caught my attention.  I definitely wanted to hear what a real-life "Tiger Baby" had to say. 

Keltner is a Chinese-American who was raised in San Francisco by an uncompromising Tiger Mother and an equally strict father.  Between them and a host of Chinese relatives who lived in the area, Keltner grew up under a hailstorm of constant criticism, intense academic pressure, and the absolute belief that she would never—ever—be successful enough to please her family.  When Keltner brings her own daughter into the world, she vows to give the child a very different kind of upbringing, one filled with praise, affection and encouragement.  She wants to keep her daughter safe from the clutches of all Tiger Mothers, including her own.  But what if that means moving away from the only home she's ever known, alienating herself from her family and starting over in some white-washed place where Keltner and her daughter are the only Asians?  How does she give her child a healthy, balanced view of who she is without exposing her to her Chinese side, however self-deflating it might be for the little girl?  That's what Keltner has to figure out as she battles her own Tiger Mother tendencies in order to give her daughter the happy, nurturing childhood she never got to enjoy. 

While Keltner's memoir is not nearly as impassioned or provocative as Chua's, it's still an interesting examination of life under a Tiger Mother's rule.  Keltner's honest and funny, sarcastic and fierce.  Her insights into what it means to be a modern Chinese-American woman and mother are likewise so.  Still, her story's disjointed as well as just a bit over-the-top.  Plus, she whines a lot for being a stay-at-home mom of only one child.  Overall, though, I appreciated Keltner's point-of-view.  It adds another dimension to the whole Chinese-style vs. American-style parenting debate, which is, in itself, quite thought-provoking.  Not to mention infuriating.   

(Readalikes:  Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua; also reminded me of The Joy-Luck Club and other books by Amy Tan)

Grade:  B-

If this were a movie, it would be rated:  PG-13 for language (one F-bomb as well as a couple of others that are abbreviated, instead of spelled-out, plus milder invectives) and mild sexual innuendo/content)   

To the FTC, with love:  I received an ARC of Tiger Babies Strike Back from the generous folks at Harper Collins via those at TLC Book Tours.  Thank you!         

       

(Image from Barnes & Noble)

Kids only come to Casey Watson's home as a last resort.  As specialist foster carers, she and her husband house the most challenging children in England's system, the kids other foster families can't handle, those who are often one step away from being committed to secure units—the worst of the worst.  Using a time-tested behavioral modification program, the Watsons have been able to make a difference in the lives of many troubled children.  But, it's not an easy process.  Not at all.  Each experience is dramatic and unsettling in its own, unique way, so much so that Casey has written several best-selling books about the special children she feels called to help.

Too Hurt to Stay is her account of 8-year-old Spencer Herrington, a boy who turns himself in to social services.  His parents don't argue with his placement in foster care, claiming the child is a violent, uncontrollable runaway.  They call him "the spawn of Satan" and insist he was just born evil.  The Herringtons refuse to allow their child to return home until he's been "fixed."  Casey's appalled, shocked that parents would label a child evil, then effectively wash their hands of all parental responsibility toward their own flesh and blood.

Determined to help Spencer, the Watsons agree to foster the angel-faced little boy.  He's unlike any other child they've taken in before—he's polite, well-behaved, and obedient.  It's only after Spencer's settled in a bit that the Watsons start to understand why he has such a difficult reputation.  Several unsettling experiences later, Casey begins to wonder if there's something to the Herringtons' complaints about their child.  Can a person really be born bad?  Or, is Spencer simply a product of a family who appears normal on the surface, but harbors deep issues of their own?  In order to best help him, Casey vows to find out the real story of Spencer Herrington (which is not the child's real name, of course).

True accounts of children being mistreated by adults always make me cringe.  It's difficult to imagine people monstrous enough to hurt kids.  But, books by authors like Cathy Glass, Dave Pelzer, Torey Hayden and Casey Watson (a pseudonym, by the way) prove that they're all too common.  What I actually find fascinating about books like these is the psychology behind the abuse.  What makes a person lash out so cruelly at another person?  I believe we all come into the world pure and innocent, so how do some people turn into such heartless savages?  It's an interesting question, one these kinds of books always make me ponder.

As for Too Hurt to Stay, it was a fast, intriguing read.  I found Spencer an interesting and empathetic child, one whose antics surprised me.  Watson writes well enough that I felt engaged by his/her story—I definitely wanted to know how it ended.  Speaking of the finale, it felt rushed and not all that satisfying.  Realistic, but not as tidily wrapped up as I wanted it to be.  The explanations behind Spencer's family's behavior, the part I was most interested in, were summarized too quickly and left me wanting "the rest of the story."  Overall, I found the book to be a compelling eye-opener, I just wanted it to be a little fuller.

(Readalikes:  Reminds me of other true accounts about abused children, especially those by Cathy Glass, Dave Pelzer, and Torey Hayden)

Grade:  B-

If this were a movie, it would be rated:  R for strong language and violence

To the FTC, with love:  I received a finished copy of Too Hurt to Stay from the generous folks at Harper Collins via those at TLC Book Tours.  Thank you!