It is not enough just to be good.  You must be good for something.  You must contribute good to the world.  The world must be a better place for your presence.  And the good that is in you must spread to others.  

In her new book, Standing Up in a Sit-down World, Merrilee Boyack talks about specific ways we can all follow the prophet's counsel to do good in the world.  Boyack, a popular speaker at events like BYU Education Week and Time Out For Women, is also an attorney, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, an author, a life coach, and a busy community activist.  She knows exactly what it's like to feel overwhelmed, but she also knows how good it feels to spend time making a difference in the lives of others.  To that end, she suggests easy ways all of us can contribute to the welfare of our friends, families, communities and the world at large.

While Boyack's message is nothing new—especially to members of the church who learn to serve others from the moment they toddle into Nursery (if not before)—she did say a few things that struck a chord with me.  First, she talks about the difference between offering to help and actually doing it.  I don't know about you, but I'm pretty good at the former, not so great at the latter.  Boyack, though, insists that "[doing good] requires action" (75).  She suggests opening your eyes and ears to the needs of the people around you, listening when the Spirit prompts you to help, then having the courage to follow through.  A lesson I definitely need to learn.  Second, she assures us that, since all of us are unique and have different talents, we can serve in the ways that are most comfortable and satisfying to us.  Third, she reminds us to be bold.  Stand up for your values, for your rights, for your beliefs.  Even the smallest of voices can make a difference.

It's obvious from all the examples she shares in the book that Boyack not only believes what she's preaching, but also practices it every day.  Her enthusiasm is definitely catching.  While Standing Up in a Sit-down World might not offer anything really profound or original, it does serve as a great reminder of the power of serving others.  At only 106 pages (including an appendix, list of references and an index), it's a quick, motivating read that will inspire all who read it to not just be good, but to "be good for something."

While we're on the topic, I wanted to share this gorgeous rendition of "Have I Done Any Good?" by Alex Boyé and Carmen Rasmusen Herbert.  It's ... stunning.



(Readalikes:  Hm, I can't think of anything.  Can you?)

Grade:  B-

If this were a movie, it would be rated:  G

To the FTC, with love:  I received a finished copy of Standing Up in a Sit-down World from the generous folks at Deseret Book.  Thank you!

When my husband spotted Strangling Your Husband Is Not an Option by Merrilee Browne

Boyack at Deseret Book, he immediately plucked it off the shelf and handed it to me. The subtitle of the book is "A Practical Guide to Dramatically Improving Your Marriage." Now, before you draw any conclusions, I have to say that I have a good, solid marriage. But, since all relationships can be improved upon, I took my husband's recommendation and read the book.

After the first chapter or so, I have to say I was pretty annoyed with Sister Boyack. I had left the book by the toilet in the master bathroom, so my husband had scanned this first section as well; even he said, "Sounds like she has a 1950s mentality." Basically, the first part of the book (Chapter 2, really) concerns the "Five Don'ts of Wifehood," most of which include focusing solely on your husband (to the exclusion of other duties and interests) and making yourself attractive so that he won't cast his roving eyes elsewhere. I thought this was unrealistic and insulting to both men and women. Boyack did make some good points, but overall, I was not impressed with Chapter 2.

Luckily, I kept reading, because Boyack really did have some good thoughts and ideas. Basically, her philosophy is that wives cannot "fix" their husbands. They should quit whining about all of his faults and focus on perfecting themselves. Boyack suggests that women take care of themselves - physically, spiritually and emotionally - so that they are secure enough to allow their men to resolve problems in their own - uniquely male - ways. She says that wives' incessant nagging and criticism prove that they have no faith in their husbands, thus leading to husbands who don't believe in themselves. Sister Boyack backs up her guidelines with quotes from leading psychologists (including both the predictable - John Gray - and the surprising - Dr. Phil), LDS church leaders and the scriptures. With these heavyweights on her side and 25 years of marriage under her belt, it's hard to deny: Merrilee Browne Boyack knows what she's talking about.

Now, I'm not saying I agree with everything she says - I know my husband is not going to stray just because my gray hairs are overdue for a visit with my hair stylist - but I did extract some valuable information from Boyack's book. Of particular interest to me was the "As if" philosophy she describes and the section where she quotes Dr. Michael Gurian on how males think. I was also pleasantly surprised by the way she sidestepped the canned Sunday School answers to marital problems (pray, attend the temple together, etc.) and sought answers beyond the usual cliches. Not that she didn't beat dead horses in places, but I felt that she did have some new insight.

As far as the issues I had with the book: I thought Boyack lingered a little too long on issues I felt were not that important (honestly, does she really think husbands are going to dismiss their wives because they wear sweats once in awhile?), and didn't take enough time with the issues I found truly fascinating (the differences between how men and women solve problems). I also thought Boyack's tone got annoying at times. She was obviously trying to be upbeat and warm, but I found myself frequently irritated by her phraseology - I mean, nobody says dagnabbit.

All in all, I liked Strangling Your Husband Is Not an Option. It was quick, readable and had some valuable advice. I don't agree with all of Boyack's opinions, but I do believe that every marriage can be improved upon, and I will be incorporating some of her tips into mine. For instance, as soon as I publish this post, I'm going to call the hair salon - I have a few gray strands that need some attention!

Grade: B