When I was a new mom, I had a recurring nightmare about losing my baby.  In the dream, I ran from infant to infant, frantically scrutinizing each of their faces only to realize, to my utter horror, that I had no idea what my own child looked like!  How could I rescue my baby if I couldn't even recognize them?  It was a terrifying thought.  

In Until I Find You, Rea Frey takes these common parental fears to a whole new level, creating a story that is decidedly unnerving.  It centers around Rebecca Gray, mom to 3-month-old Jackson.  As a recent widow and a new mother, Bec is battling grief, exhaustion, stress, and loneliness.  To add insult to injury, she has a degenerative eye disease, which led to the dissolution of her career as a professional cellist and has now robbed her almost wholly of her vision.  Desperate to prove her independence, Bec soldiers on, but her life is not an easy one.  

Bec thinks she's just being paranoid when she gets the odd sensation that something is not quite right.  She feels as if someone is watching her.  At home, things seem to have been disturbed the slightest amount.  A friend dismisses Bec's fears, urging her to get some rest.  She does, but when she awakes and goes to retrieve her son from his crib, she finds another baby in his place.  Sure she's going crazy, Bec checks again.  Even though she's never seen Jackson's delicate features clearly, she's positive this is not him.  A mother—even a blind one—knows her own child.  Doesn't she?  Bec has no family and her friends can't be certain whether the baby is Jackson or not.  So many infants look so alike, after all.  There has been so much upheaval in Bec's life that, really, who can blame her for becoming a little...overwrought?  Not caring what anyone else thinks, Bec plunges ahead, getting the police involved in the baffling situation.  Everyone might believe she's insane, but she's determined to find her son.  No matter what.  Is the baby in Bec's house Jackson?  If he's not, who is he?  And where has Jackson gone?

Like I said, it's a chilling premise.  It leads to an intriguing mystery, which kept me turning pages, wanting to know what was going to happen next.  True, I didn't find Bec, who's whiny and victim-y, super likable.  Still, I sympathized with her.  I did see the story's big plot twist coming, which was a little disappointing.  More so is the fact that it's totally far-fetched, which made it feel less than satisfying.  All things considered, then, Until I Find You was just an okay read for me.  It's engrossing, but I didn't love the characters and the ending irritated me.  Bummer.

(Readalikes:  Reminds me of Remember Mia by Alexandra Burt and The Couple Next Door by Shari Lapena)

To the FTC, with love:  Another library fine find