I've heard people describe President Dieter F. Uchtdorf (of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) as elegant, poised, and witty. Also, hot. I'm not going anywhere near that last one - I don't want to risk my eternal salvation by commenting on an apostle's looks, good or otherwise - but I most definitely agree with the first three adjectives. Yet, what's always struck me most about the Czechoslavkian/German General Authority is the kindness and love that just radiate from his being. I feel it every time I see his face or hear him speak. Reading his newest book, Your Happily Ever After, evoked that same sense of warmth and affection. Every word of his message, which is directed at young women, is imbued with the love he obviously feels for them.

Using examples from popular fairy tales, President Uchtdorf reminds us that no one reaches "happily ever after" without experiencing some struggles. Just like Cinderella endured abuse from her stepmother/sisters, just like Belle faced a ferocious beast, just like the miller's daughter fought the cruel Rumpelstiltskin, we will all encounter challenges on our paths to eternal bliss. But, promises President Uchtdorf, problems can be overcome and happiness attained if we follow God's plan for us. By remaining true to what we know is right, we'll gain the most happily of ever afters.

(Note: Although this review will not contain spoilers for Under the Jolly Roger, it may inadvertently reveal plot surprises from earlier Bloody Jack novels. As always, I recommend reading books in a series in order.)

It's appropriate that First Day on Earth, Cecil Castellucci's new (available November 1) YA novel, concerns aliens because I think the above description fits the book to a T. It's weird. It's strange. It's just ... alien. I'm not sure how to describe it, let alone react to it, but I'll try ...

The story revolves around Mal, a 16-year-old high school student nursing some serious angst. With his dad long gone and his mom mourning her abandonment with as much alcohol as she can find, Mal's usually left to his own devices. Since everyone thinks he's weird, Mal doesn't have any friends. Lonely, bitter, and confused about his place in the world, he seeks solace with a community support group. For survivors. Of alien abductions. Among the members of the group, Mal actually sort of fits in. The thing is, though, that none of the abductions other people describe during meetings resemble the experience Mal had with aliens. Or thinks he had. How else can he explain those hazy days when he disappeared back when he was 12? If the group can't help him make sense of what happened, who can? And if it wasn't aliens, what did happen to Mal? Most importantly, if the people in the group are crazy - and he strongly suspects they may be - then what does that say about Mal?

When Mal strikes up an unlikely friendship with Hooper, a mentally-challenged homeless man who's waiting for the Mother Ship to beam him up, Mal thinks he may finally have found his savior. The only problem: Mal has to somehow convince Hooper's aliens to take him with them when they come. And if they don't show up? Then, Mal will know for sure what he's always suspected - he's officially insane.

See what I mean? Strange premise (although I like the whole I'm-a-teen-who-feels-like-a-stranger-in-my-own-body-maybe-I-was-abducted-by-aliens idea), strange plot, strange execution. The whole story weirded me out so much that I couldn't connect with it at all. It's not exactly cheery either - the hopeful ending seems tacked on, not convincing. So, although I liked the book enough to finish it, overall, First Day on Earth was a really odd read for me. It left me feeling flummoxed and not much else.

(Readalikes: Um, I really can't think of anything. Can you?)

Grade: C-

If this were a movie, it would be rated: PG-13 for strong language (1 F-bomb, plus milder invectives), lewd humor and mature themes

To the FTC, with love: I received a finished copy of First Day on Earth from the generous folks at Scholastic. Thank you!

Why would Polly Portman, the most generous woman in Ipswitch, Pennsylvania, leave a recipe worth millions to her cat? That's the question on everyone's mind when the beloved baker's shocking bequest becomes public knowledge. No one's more disturbed by the news than Polly's sister, Ruth Anderson, who had big plans for the money she'd make auctioning Polly's secret recipe off to the highest bidder. Ruth's daughter, 11-year-old Alice, couldn't care less about being a millionaire - she just wants her aunt back. Like everyone else in the small town (excluding bitter, jealous Ruth), Alice adored Polly, who showered her with the kind of affection she never got at home. Now, all she's got left of her aunt is Lardo, Polly's fat, cantankerous cat.

As the annual Blueberry Award baking competition creeps closer, Ipswitch buzzes with excitement. With Polly Portman, winner of 13 consecutive Blueberrys, out of the way, someone else has a chance to be crowned Pie Queen. Everyone's baking like mad, but one person wants a leg up on the competition, the kind of advantage than can only be had by finding and stealing Polly's secret recipe. When a series of strange events shows Alice just how far that someone's willing to go, she knows it's up to her to catch the would-be thief. With her friend Charlie by her side, Alice puts her detecting skills to the test. And winds up making some big discoveries - about family, about friendship and about herself.

As warm and sweet as its title suggests, PIE by Sarah Weeks is a light, funny mystery that will appeal to readers of all ages. Whether you're after heart, humor, or just some mouth-watering pie recipes, you'll find it and more between the covers of this uplifting middle grade novel. It's a fun little mystery with a solution I should have seen coming, but didn't - a situation that always delights me. An all-around treat, PIE is, in a word, delectable.

(Readalikes: Hm, I can't really think of anything. Can you?)

Grade: B+

If this were a movie, it would be rated: G

To the FTC, with love: I received a finished copy of PIE from the generous folks at Scholastic. Thank you!